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How Not to Be a Creep on the Trail

These gentlemen are fine examples of hikers who are not creepy.
These gentlemen are fine examples of hikers who are not creepy.

My recent article for Appalachian Trials, How to Avoid Creeps on the Trail, was such a success that I’ve decided to write a part 2. This article is for the guys in the hiker community. Let me make it clear first, that I think the vast majority of hiker guys are nice and not creepy in any way. However, you will meet the occasional creep on your journey North.

Without further ado, here are my tips for…

How Not to Be a Creep on the Appalachian Trail: 

  • Don’t touch a girl while she is sleeping (unless she’s your girlfriend and you guys like to cuddle). No girl wants to wake up to a strange man in the shelter stroking her back or hair.
  • Don’t shove your camera in the face of a girl you just met to show her a photo of yourself, completely naked except for a sock on your penis. Bonus points if you do not tell her that the tube sock is “extremely form-fitting” when it hangs down to your knee. Let’s face it, that sock is not form-fitting.
  • Don’t hike behind a girl you don’t know and stare at her ass the whole time, then refuse to pass her when she offers, even though you can clearly hike faster than her.
  • Don’t expect a girl to hook up with you just because you gave her a Honey Bun. The company of her and her vagina is not equal to the value of a 50 cent pastry.
  • Do not think that you are entitled to gape at a woman’s butt (or boobs) because she is wearing spandex.
  • Don’t follow a girl around for days when you sense that she does not enjoy your company. Especially when your objective is to get in her pants. You would know if she was interested in you.

Gentlemen, if you find that you have a healthy and respectful view of women, and you do not think of yourself as superior to women, then you are probably not a creep.

Like I said before, most hiker guys are very nice and not creepy in the least bit. On the trail, you’ll find that you get along with most everyone.

Just be sure to keep that pepper spray in your hip belt.

Have you had a total creeper experience while hiking? Share it in the comments!

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